For months now I have fallen “behind” on my postings here on my site. Life usually gets in the way for many but I don’t consider life as something that is in the way. Life is life, it isn’t going to change, improve or go anywhere if we don’t take the steps in the direction of positive change and choices.
Currently I’m going through a divorce, a move and a hard time with getting myself back on my feet. I continue to start my day with a smile and optimistic personality because it is not going to improve or help me to become depressed, negative or constantly unhappy. There are times that I have a “slow” day, however; those days aren’t going to define me.
I guess what is really on my mind is the world I didn’t realize I was living in. The words that come out of peoples’ mouths no longer shock me. Here’s what happened: One day (June 2014) my ex-husband suddenly asked me for a divorce, he tried to explain to me that I didn’t do anything wrong, that it wasn’t me, I’m a wonderful woman and wife and he loves me. He said he just wanted to be alone and didn’t want to hold me back. For 6 months I tried to reconcile, “fix” and suggest ways to make it work but it didn’t. I even suggested all forms of counseling, he continued to stay on the path he decided alone. I moved out, started the divorce process with him and am ready to move on with my life. It’s been 10 months. When people ask me the ridiculous questions or make even more ridiculous comments I do my best to answer it without an attitude or ignore them completely. Here’s what I’ve heard and how I feel about it.
Person A: “I’m sorry to hear that, divorce is not fun…. why did you want a divorce?” Me: What makes you think it was my choice? Why do you assume I wanted this?
Person B: “Oh no..which one of you cheated?” Me: Why do you assume one of us cheated? I don’t know if he cheated but infidelity isn’t always the reason for divorce.
Person C: “Don’t you want to fix it? Stay married?” Me: (Exaggerated) Noooooo, not at all, I wanted this to happen to me, it’s a wonderful experience! DUH!! I can’t control what he does, how he feels and I can’t force him to stay married to me. Not all broken things have a glue to fix it.
Person D & E: “Now that you’re single, you and I can go out!” “Want to be my friend with benefits?” Me: WOW! You don’t know me at all! No I will not go out with you or be your friend with benefits. I’m just getting over someone, he wasn’t my friend with benefits, my boyfriend or fiance, he was my HUSBAND, someone who I vowed to dedicate my life to. I’m sorry, not sorry, that I don’t want to jump into bed or a relationship with someone else. Get over yourself.
Person F: “What did you do to make him ask for a divorce?” Me: Oh, that’s right, I forgot it’s my fault. I worked, graduated college, cooked, cleaned, organized our home, shopped for groceries, shopped for necessities, bought birthday/Christmas/holiday gifts and necessities for both of our families, I canceled plans or didn’t make plans with my friends so he didn’t come home to an empty home, I put him before myself, I changed and canceled plans so him and I can do things together, I was readily available for him 24/7 intimately, and that’s just the half of the things I did “to him.” I can see now what I did to make him want a divorce.
Person G: “Just get over him, don’t worry about him and move on with your own life.” Me: Oh, is my time of pain and healing not fast enough for you?
Those are just a few examples, and of course a few of them would say this is me being bitter. I’m not bitter, but I’m sure if the person calling me bitter went through anything negative or painful in their lives, they will be the first person to be negative, depressed and very bitter. I’m simply expressing myself in a healthy and opinionated manner.
I’ve finally reached a point in my life where I am happy. How did this happen? I accepted the inevitable and created a new plan for my future. One that involves a change of scenary for my home and my job/career. I am doing what I want to do to create a better life for my daughter and myself. That has always been priority number one but I lost sight of that when I remarried. Now that I’m divorced, I can get back on track and give my daughter what she deserves and what I deserve, a life for her and myself that involves more time spent together and more of my involvement. This will also open new doors for this blog and my websites. I hope you all continue with me on this journey known as my life.